These Doors Were Made For Locking
by Sara47Q
Summary: or Five Times an Avenger walked in on Darcy and/or Clint giving Coulson a blow job. This was inspired by the Darcy Lewis Smut Week and is Clint/Coulson/Darcy.


Tony

Tony wandered through the empty halls of the residential floor of the Tower, finishing a sandwich and tapping away at his tablet, adding modifications to the suit for JARVIS to run simulations on.

He stopped in his tracks when he reached the entertainment room. He hadn't expected to find anyone else, so he was surprised to see a movie already playing. He was about to say something when he saw that the occupants of the room were not paying attention to the screen.

Agent was lying across the couch with his head on Katniss's thigh, the archer had one hand holding one of the agent's, the other hand buried in Darcy's hair as she knelt on the floor- he quickly backed out of the room as he realized what was going on. He was never going to be able to look at his PA's pouty mouth the same way again.

"JARVIS, record that and put it on my private server," he ordered as he walked back down the hall.

"Sir, I regret to inform you that Miss Darcy has requested that the cameras in that room be turned off for the time being as you needed no further material for your 'spank bank'."

"JARVIS, you're supposed to be on my side."

"As I have your personal porn collection stored on my servers, sir, I am eminently aware of the correctness of Miss Darcy's assumption."

Tony shook his head. "Traitor."

* * *

Bruce

"Damn it, Tony!" Bruce muttered under his breath as he surveyed the contents of the refrigerator in the kitchen near his lab. He knew when he left a sandwich in there that there was a chance Tony would take it. The man has no sense of personal boundaries, but, damn it, he had been really looking forward to it.

He huffed up to the kitchen on the residential floor to make himself another sandwich, unless someone had eaten the rest of his groceries, and he wouldn't put it past them, even if he wrote his name on it in big letters. He was so engrossed in thoughts of what sorts of subtle revenge he could enact on Tony that he didn't realize at first that there were other people in the kitchen.

His heart rate monitor started beeping, alerting them to his presence before he could discretely walk back out. Anger didn't always set it off anymore, constant exposure to Tony Stark was helping with that, but apparently embarrassment over walking in on two of your friends in a compromising position could still get his heart rate up.

Clint stood up and turned around, blocking Agent Coulson from his view, giving him time to adjust himself.

"Sorry, Doc," he said in a slightly rusty voice. "Don't you usually eat lunch in the kitchen on the third R & D floor?"

Bruce took off his glasses and started cleaning them on the hem of his shirt, looking anywhere but at the two SHIELD agents. "Uh, yeah, usually. But Tony ate my sandwich and all that was left in the fridge was some moldy bread and something that was either leftover Chinese or a science experiment." He smiled sheepishly. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

Coulson came out from behind Clint, "No apology necessary, Dr. Banner. We'll leave you to your lunch."

He and Clint walked around Bruce, and on his way out Clint reminded him, "Don't forget about dinner tomorrow night."  
"I won't. I think Darcy mentioned setting an alarm for Tony, Jane, and I and has threatened us with the hose if we ignore it."

Clint grinned. "That's our girl."

* * *

Thor and Jane

"Are you sure it's ok for us to be up here?" Jane asked, following Thor up a set of stairs she hadn't known existed, even though they'd been living together at Stark Tower for months.

"Yes, Jane! Tony has said to treat his home like our home, and Hawkeye has assured me that you will be able to see a few stars from this point on the roof on a clear night!"

"Ok." Jane smiled, happy to have a boyfriend who understood her so well. She had been missing having the ability to go to the roof in New Mexico and sleep under the stars she loved so much.

Thor pushed the door open ahead of her and stopped. She ducked under his arm to see what had made him pause. Her jaw dropped. The ledge was already occupied. She saw her best friend naked, a trauma all its own. Add to that her naked boyfriends, and Jane wasn't sure she'd be able to look her in the eye ever again. Darcy and Clint were kissing sloppily, all tongues and teeth, over the blissed out form of Agent Coulson. The three of them must have been very caught up in their activities if they hadn't heard the door open; usually the agents were very aware of any change in their surroundings.

Jane put her hand on Thor's arm and motioned him to go back in with her. They quietly closed the door and started back down the stairs. "It appears that our friends are already using the roof, fair Jane. Perhaps we can try again tomorrow."

Jane shook her head in an attempt to shake the images out of her head, but said, "Yeah, Thor, that sounds like a nice idea. We could come up tomorrow after the birthday dinner."

Thor took her hand. "In the meantime, I believe I am inspired to spend some time in our bedchamber." She leaned up for a kiss. Maybe some enthusiastic lovemaking with her own Godly boyfriend would help get those images out of her head.

* * *

Natasha

Natasha generally liked working for SHIELD, the cause was usually just and she got to stay herself in her head. What she did not care for was the excessive amounts of paperwork required when working for a government agency. As long as she got the information out of the mark, was it really necessary to have to fill out forms justifying blowing up a small portion of Edinburgh? It was an abandoned part of the city that needed to be revitalized anyway and they should really be thanking her for giving them an excuse, not making her fill out forms.

But doing what she was told had been engrained in her from childhood, so she filled out their damned forms. The least Coulson could do was have the decency to be in his office when she wanted to turn them in. Since when did he lock his door, anyway? "Oh, screw this," she mumbled while deftly picking the lock. The Black Widow was not at all surprised to find that a building dedicated to security had such cheap locks. Natasha was straightening her paperwork readying it to leave on Coulson's desk when she glanced up and saw him sitting behind it. If she hadn't known him as long as she had, hadn't had to depend on subtle changes in his body language to keep herself or others alive, she probably wouldn't have known he was doing anything other than his own paperwork.

He looked her in the eye. "I'm fairly certain that door was locked."

She cocked an eyebrow. "And?"

"It's only polite to knock."

"No one has ever accused me of being polite."

He looked at her hands. "But you do turn your paperwork in on time."

"Yes." She set them in his inbox. "Maybe next time I'll slip it under the door."

"That would probably be best."

She turned to leave, but couldn't resist a parting shot. "Oh, and Darcy? Tony's been looking for you. Apparently he's broken his 'good' blowtorch and needs you to find him a new one."

She heard a thump and a curse from under Coulson's desk and smiled.

As she put her hand on the doorknob, she felt the wind of a nerf arrow as it hit the doorframe next to her head. She pulled it off and read Clint's accompanying note of "mean!" before rolling her eyes towards the vent in the ceiling and dropping it on the floor as she left.

* * *

Steve

Having a team again was nice, but Steve still missed the easy camaraderie he'd had with the Commandoes. Some days he missed Bucky and Peggy more than others, and today was one of those days. He went to the gym to take his frustration out on some punching bags, or maybe Thor or Natasha if they were around for some sparring.

He was not expecting to come upon Agent Coulson, Clint, and Tony's assistant Darcy using the boxing ring for something other than its intended purpose. Darcy had her eyes closed and was using the bottom rope for support as she knelt over the agent's face. Agent Coulson seemed to be holding her in place with his hands on her hips as his tongue delved in between her thighs. He must be a master at multi-tasking, because Steve wasn't sure he'd be able to wring the same sounds of pleasure out of a dame if he had someone paying the amount of attention to his own erection as Clint was currently spending on the SHIELD agent's. Steve knew the three of them were in a relationship, but he'd never really wondered about the logistics of their bedroom activities.

After a minute or five, he realized he had been just staring at his teammate in a very private moment with his lovers and moved to leave as quickly and quietly as possible. And if he had to take a cold shower afterwards, that was no one's business either.

* * *

Birthday Dinner

Darcy punched Tony in the arm as she went to sit down. "JARVIS told me what you tried to do, Tony. Not cool, man, not cool."

Tony rubbed his arm. For a little thing, his assistant's punch packed a wallop. "Hey, I'm not the one forgetting to lock the door when engaging in adult activities, Ms. Lewis."  
"There's no door, how could I lock it?"  
"You could just not do that in public areas."  
"Do you want me to recount the times I've caught you and Pepper naked in places? Because I can."  
"What about me?" Bruce asked. "I never force you guys to walk in on anything."

Darcy looked over at Clint. "Did I miss something?"

"Kitchen, yesterday. Bruce caught us."

"Tony and Bruce aren't the only ones who've caught you lately," Steve said with a blush.

Darcy looked confused. "When did you…."

"This afternoon in the gym." Steve said.

It was Darcy's turn to blush. "Sorry about that, Captain."

"Was it informative?" Clint asked with a smug grin.

Natasha slapped him upside the head as Thor added, "Aye, my lady Jane and I encountered you on the roof last night as we attempted to partake in some star-gazing."

Tony set down his drink and looked at the three of them. "Are you telling me that in the last two days, almost all of us have walked in on the two of you orally pleasuring Coulson? And that some of that was during working hours? I don't pay you for that, Ms. Lewis."

Pepper kicked him under the table as Darcy said, "I'm entitled to breaks," at the same time Natasha said, "All of us. I walked in on them in his office."

"It is his birthday." Clint shrugged, as if that answered everything.

Darcy nodded, "It's pretty much been blowjobapaloza at our house these last few days."

Steve choked as his drink went down the wrong pipe, and Thor thumped him on the back.

Coulson sighed. "We'll try to be more discrete in the future."

Tony looked across the table at Pepper. "You know, my birthday is coming up soon."

Pepper just shook her head and rolled her eyes.


End file.
